Why should Friends not be roomies?

You don’t want that, do you??

It happened in X^th Grade. I was as delusional about friendship as any other kid. I was in a boarding school and we were yet to be allotted a room. We had to select room partners. So, what could be the better thing other than sharing it with my best friend? After all, we loved spending time with each other, I felt good when he was around. It all perfectly fitted in. So, “Hey, let’s be roomies…” But (As usual Life butted in…)

Lets see the buts and please add more as you feel:

1. Granted:  Once, we became roomies, I started giving less time to him. We were, after all, always together. So, what was the hurry? That was my big mistake. At the end of the day, I interacted with whole school but forgot about him. It was Ghar ki Murgi daal barabar.
2. The “Other Life”: When we take it to the next level, we start realizing his other Life. Obviously, we knew a lot about it, beforehand but we haven’t actually realized. What ticks this realization is, he starts living that Life while he is with us, and we feel less prioritized. (Plus, he has secrets that he doesn’t want to share with you)
3. Sharing: We have shared the best of times together. But being roomies is about sharing more than space. Its also about sharing responsibility, work, finance and also respecting each other’s individualities (unlike the times, we generally blow off). Often, in a room of my friend, they had lots of fights on trivial issues such as one wanted lights to be switched off and other wanted them to be on.
4. Flaws: During the initial and golden phase of friendship, we hide many of our shortcomings to our friend or they are overlooked. But when you are with a person all the time, all of those flaws start to squirm out. Sometimes, they are overlooked but sometimes they cannot be… (Personally, I am afraid what would happen if my closest friends come to know all of my bad habits)
5. Too much of a good thing: Your action figures or toys, computer games,… we get bored, ultimately…
6. On a Rainy Day: Sometimes

•  you are sad, or
•  you just want loneliness and relaxation in your own environment, or
• you two just had a big fight, or
• you are, for no reason, irritated with him (it happens), the sight of him still waddling in front of your sight, his every small action irritates you,

In those scenarios, if you get less space… Wooh (God forbid if you bitch in your weak moment and your roomie comes to know)

Becoming a roomie is a leap. Know and keep your distance, sometimes distances in a relationship are like the Earth and the Sun. The moment the Earth moves towards the Sun, it starts burning. If it starts moving away, it freezes. Just give the matter a serious thought. Even after that if you feel, you can be comfortable as roomies, by all means go ahead…

Think about that…

Guest Post: I fell in Love with you…

One of the most amazing romantic poems I have ever read… Expressed by my friend, Mayank Choudhary. You can know the depth of him by his writings…

---

Tries to remember but yet it diminishes
Your face in those old hit lashes
Was it me who set it lose
Or it was you who let it diffuse

Guess it was me who took it wrong
But u kept quiet and stubborn
Was it your silence that perplexed me
Or was it my innocence
That conjured against me

Lastly landed where only your eyes paved the way further
And now I am standing here devastated and lost
Cursing the chap in me that craves you
The man who loved you, lived you
Is now entitled a life that starves for you
And you are nothing but a mere sore in this heart
That is as dear as painful

Today I stand low and thrashed
Soused by your memories
Deceived by your false promises
And musing over the time
I fell in love with you…..!!!!

If you like it, i bet you will love this one: Adumberance

My Love is like a Phoenix…

Born from the ashes

Of a burnt heart

So hopeless, so insignificant

Yet an inevitable feeling

 

Fostering alone, Perplexed

Afraid and Famished

Yet growing stronger,

More beautiful, every moment

 

Mesmerized by my golden feathers

People envy my fortune

Yet, My Fortune mocks me

Even my Cry seems a melodious song…

 

Soldiering on and on

My beauty has withered

This pain is too much,

Now, Ultimate destination awaits me…

 

Burning in the scorching flame,

I am reducing to Ashes again

Never bereft of loneliness, Oh my Princess

For my Love is like a Phoenix

 

Born from the ashes

Of a burnt heart

So hopeless, so insignificant

Yet with you always

Being A Brother…

I have been always the smallest child. You know elder brothers and sisters are irritating and also very lucky. They get to boss us around, telling don’t do this/that and Mummy believes in them more (She started the fight but Mom won’t listen). We get old items of them instead of new things (like my first mobile phone). When we are in the mood of some masti, “Quit horsing around, I am working” (That snot) comes the shout. Papa is also concerned about him in taking future decisions and in our case, relaxed. He knows so much. (Actually proud of that)

This is unfair. Just because he is born before, he has extra privileges… :X

Well…

These Holi vacations, I visited my Mamaji and Mamiji… . I was quite apprehensive before going as its been a long time since I had stayed at someone else’s home. The way I live only my Mom tolerates but there I had to be a good boy and especially they have kids, so I have to discontinue my college lifestyle. There would be changes… What would I do whole day? What if internet is not there? What if the children are “every-reply-Ok” types? I don’t know…

As I saw my siblings on station, we introduced ourselves (we were meeting for the first time, never mind we have been fb friends for a long time). They had such smiling innocent faces. I gave them chocolates and they were so excited. “Thank you, Bhaiya”… Something struck me… I am their elder brother….

In fact, contrary to my fears, they mingled with me instantly. They started talking about their schools, how it gave them less holidays and what I like. The flurry of questions… They were really excited. I started showing them some cool computer tricks and software. I don’t know why but I assumed the role of “genius-computer-brother”. I just wanted them to expand their horizon, be better than I was (to be what I wished I should have been). I know it was unfair of me to do that. They are kids and grow in their own unique way… but something from the heart deviated me.

Fun with them...

I also wanted them to be a little rogue… So, why not being a brother who spoils them? But as my friend said, “You cannot, you simply cannot…” and she was right. I could not. Moreover, those earlier discomfitures were just an output of over-thinking. I, myself, wanted to live decently for a while. A sense of responsibility also came with fun. Teaching them their school stuff, operating computer properly, checking whether they are studying or not and not wasting time with me, bathing my little brother after Holi (become the irritating brother), fulfilling the denied pleasures like ice-cream, movies… It was fun with them.

Responsibilty with them...

This small experience led me to appreciate more my brother. He must have curtailed lots of mastis, be a good boy so that I do not pick some bad habits. Forming a unrealized protective layer which allowed me to take more risks, a deep feeling that he has my back when worst comes and probably a million other things, which I haven’t been able to realize due to time constraint…

Lastly, I am proud of my lil brothers and sisters and wish to be their real (not family) brother…

Third Element of Relationship…

People say as you grow, you learn more about Life. You learn more about relationships. I too grew up and like everyone else, Life taught me too. Earlier, I thought love was the base of relationship. Then, I realized without trust, a relationship may take off. But it can never survive. But for the existence of a relationship, you need one more parameter: Time.

During the first year of my college Life, my friends and I had great fun. Only lamenting the fact that we were scattered and were very much apart (distance wise) but later on as we moved in the second year, we consolidated our location. We were just a few steps away. Indeed, it would be a better year.

I was wrong. It didn’t turn out to be better year or a more fun one. For the very reason that we just thought that we can talk with each other whenever we want now that we are so close. We could have but we never did. That was a big big difference. The distances (not in terms of km but within the hearts) began to grow. Our group was divided into factions. My friend is merely an acquaintance now.

Plant of Relationship

Of course, some relations have the magic that whenever we meet again, after anytime, it would be just like old days. If you imagine the moment carefully, sitting in café, chatting about old times… Observe It’s the memories you gave time is connecting you. Moreover, the intensity is not the same as it was. The other person is changed, we have changed. Since none of us gave time, none of us has space for each other now.

My point is relationships cannot be considered to be an element of some romantic or friendship story based solely on Love. Relations are important, the threads in our Life and to maintain those threads, we need to give a little effort. Give a part of Life that is special and truly ours i.e. Time.

Take only an hour out of your week. Regroup, talk, conference call, pull each other legs, maybe go for a golgappe or chat, simply walk, anything but do it. Don’t ever make the mistake of taking them granted. One mistake you will look back with happy and sad eyes and term it as “those old days”, “the Platinum days”…

So, I think I should also call some of my old friends now as a very mysterious friend of mine said, “Gagan, you are guilty of not giving time to your friends.”

Only Rain isn't going to flourish them, you need to water also...

A Perfect Boy-Girl Analogy…

Judge who is more idiotic??

Girls are logicless, indecisive, hoodwinkers and they irritate the hell out of us, Guys…

BUT…

One look of theirs, one smile of theirs and Guys’ minds go blank and succumb to them. As John Gray correctly said, “Can’t live with them, Can’t live without them”…

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY…

Illustration by: Anshul Jain

Reality shows are a deception…

In these vacations, I had the fortune and misfortune of watching some really awesome performances on the reality shows. Those exquisite dance moves, those heart-touching melodious voice, the cooking under stress… it was my fortune to see their performances but to see those great artists under the deception was my misfortune.

You may start vigorously defending reality show’s merits. There are many, but as I said, a lot of it is deception:

1.       This is your only chance: “Aaj ek mauka hai aapke paas”. This line is repeatedly said again and again till your mind starts believing in it. An illusion is created as if it’s a succeed-or-fail-in-life situation, which can be no further away from the truth. Pick any successful person. He/she failed a lot of times and rose again and conquered. Steve Jobs kicked out of his own company. Donald Trump bankrupted 4 times. Zuckerburg’s P2P software was a flop. Chris Gardener (on whose Life Pursuit of Happiness was made)… Abraham Lincoln… The list goes on. There is no final chance.

Public applauding...

2.      Increase pseudo-esteem: We common people simply love this kind of shows. Where in the world can a common man get so much respect, and that too from such big celebrities in a society that is ready to crush him. You are an instant star. But what happens after the show? Public idol is replaced by someone else. Certainly, the main industry guys are not going to treat a newbie as a star. Otherwise why are the contestants who are so praised never seen in their films/songs?

I have seen you somewhere...

3.       Cozy upto your boss/kiss an idiot’s ass: In order to rise up the ranks, you have to be in good books of your boss/seniors. More often than not, pure talent cannot drive you in the world. There are politics, water-cooler talks, the bureaucracy whirlpool which can suck the passion out of you and none of these realities are taught. Try recalling the names of winners (if you can) and see where they stand today.

4.       Big Boss kinds: Writing about it would be a sheer waste of precious time…

Competitive reality shows are just branding of old TV shows which used to show performances. Their producers are after all corporate players, who are willing to fill up their pockets and in this way, by selling dreams. Tell them you are here to entertain audience, you can learn a lot, create some useful contacts but don’t play with their childhood ambition and tell you are going to be star. Plus we should continue enjoying them but not under a deception.

It’s as if a college is advertising, “Enroll in our college and be a world-famous entrepreneur.”

Vote for me now!

How to shrug off Facebook??

What is Facebook to you?

1. The great social medium to share our views, activity, in short your Life with your friends.
2. New modern way to stalk crushes
3. A good time pass (games, apps…)
4. A medium to market yourselves
5. An escape

For me, initially it was the first, but slowly, even without realizing, it turned into No. 5.

Facebook is a wonderful place which:

• Which gives me a false sense of success. I just have to update some status (which I copy from elsewhere) and presto, I get instant likes from my friends.
• Where I can know what’s on my friends’ minds (Idiotic jokes/ cheesy romantic lines/ activities like sleeping, going out which doesn’t concern me at all/their new dps).
• Lastly, which gave me a feeling that I am connected with my friends (especially with chats), which is a pure illusion.

It, for me, changed from a social networking medium to an escape, an escape from the world where to learn or gain something; you have to give effort, an escape from the world, where friendship requires understanding, not clicks, a world where appreciation is hard-earned, a world which teaches you the best of lessons in the most mean ways.

I resolved, for once, to stop taking refuge in Facebook. Made a rule: only 2 times facebook per day. The tab cannot be open for a long time and once tab is closed, it is closed.

I managed it. Now, if you attempt to follow the above rule, certain feelings may try to hoodwink you.

1.  Someone may have left something important for me. One word: Ha! Ha!! Analyze and think if it is actually true and moreover, I am not a spy so that if missed at that very moment, nuclear war would not start.
2. I have nothing else to do: Pursue your hobby or do what you really love. That’s gonna be more fulfilling. Read a book, take a walk, listen to music, talk to a friend…
3. I ‘m just taking a break: Technically, a break is supposed to bring the mind back to its maximum capacity again but a Facebook break fails to do that.
4. Once a while won’t matter much: The frequency between those “whiles” decreases and your concentration ‘ka-boom’.
5. I must remain updated: Updated about what? What movie he watched? Better check the news sites.
6. Irritation: I just have to see it. There’s this great irritation that is caused. One advice: Just move away from computer until that passes.

Keep saying “What’s happening is good”

Today there’s no question of using facebook or not. Social networking is an integral part of our Life but we might want to remind us ourselves that we should not be like an alcoholic who drowns his sadness, fears in alcohol.

Wish you a Happy Productive Life.

Friends & Mistakes…

One evening, my roomie asked me a very thought-provoking question. “What right do I have on my Best Friend?” I sank into thought for a while but after much consideration and reflecting on past experiences, I had to say “NONE”.

You may argue why NONE? After all, we do experience guilt watching our friend hurting himself. We do feel guilt (sometimes anger) to watch our friend drown in the whirlpool of Life. We feel, We know he can make it large but damn it… Can’t I just kick him and get him to live up to his potential? NO

Sadly, it’s the truth. Because:

Right to mistake: Yes, it’s one of the fundamental rights which we don’t realize everyone has. Mistakes… Interestingly, we hate them, we don’t desire committing them but they teach us a lot. If we realize, most of our major lessons are in fact learnt from mistakes. Just wondering, if I would have been able to learn cycle if my parents didn’t remove the side-wheels. Try imagining your Life as if you have never committed a single mistake. You can’t even imagine. Even if you could, are you the same person you imagined and more importantly, Do you really want to be that person? Our Life is a summation of good and bad experiences. Admit it, we are what we are because of our mistakes. We certainly cannot and should not snatch this right from our friends.

The proper teacher: There are some lessons which we cannot teach. Some lessons are learnt either from parents, other friends, strangers, but not us. However hard we may try protecting them, however hard its gonna hit him, there are some lessons which Life reserves for itself.

Your continued attempt to rectify him will only be viewed as intrusion and unless you are lucky, it will create hostility.

Is it a mistake?: It happens that what we are presuming as a mistake is actually not a mistake. Its rather a bold move or “just following the heart”. Steve Jobs left his college (which he considers as one of his best decisions. Imagine what would your response if your friend says the same to you). A personal experience: We were a trio. After a time, we started drifting (2 of us and 1 other). I accepted this as “Life’s Reality” but my friend refused and proposed that he would talk. I was worried it would start the blame game and damage the remnants of trio beyond repair. Anyway, he went ahead, talked and successfully sorted out the issues.

So, what should I do? Let him destroy his Life or harm himself. Then, am I a real Friend?

However, we do have one right over them.

Right to Guide: We can guide our Friend. Talk to him. Let him know why we are so against his viewpoint. Persuade him to consider our views also. In that way, it always will be his decision. Even if it’s a wrong decision, it’s one of his own making and he will not regret it in the future OR if its right, you won’t.

Should we not intervene at all? We can intervene, if his decision is going to harm others but again, that will be viewed as intrusion (till he has a better insight of things). Sometimes, “its friendship or a lesson”.

It’s a bit tricky. One last word, “Always have his back. That will matter to him more than anything else.”

Vote for me now!

Anybody But Not Him

Finally, today was the day… the day when I was finally going to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. For days I have been struggling with myself every minute whether I should tell her the way I feel about her and the way she makes me feel.

The night was perfect. The moon was shining like a galleon, and a pleasant wind wafted across the moonlit night. I was going to meet her at the terrace, our spot since childhood. I was nervous as hell and I was just parading up and down. At last, I decided to kick-off the fear and climbed up the stairs. It was not at all easy. As more and more I climbed the stairs, even in such breezy atmosphere, I could literally feel the sweat sticking to my body. The voices in my head began to quarrel again, “No way man you can’t do that. You will lose her forever.” “Go Arjun Go. You should tell her. Perhaps she loves you too.” With the slightest of hope, I ascended the stairs and saw her standing there… her face glowing in moonlight and the wind playing with her hair, bringing them over and over her cheeks. “Tonight, I am going to propose a fairy”.

She was extraordinarily happy, she was blushing and she let out a large scream. I panicked, “Did she know already?” I saw the red rose in my hand and oorf, I forgot to hide it. She came running to me and hugged me, “I am sooooo happy today. Thank you.”

“Thank you!!!!”… I thought completely confused, “Whats happening here?” But I managed to utter, “Suhani, I am a little lost here. What’s going on?”

“Come on. Don’t act surprised. You already know” she said jumping around the whole terrace.

“What?”

“I am committed. Kabir proposed to me today and I said yes”.

I couldn’t believe my ears. “What???”

“Yes, I am in a relationship”.

The words hit me like a tornado hitting a house in North America. It could have blown or crushed me. Actually, it had but I needed to put a strong face and You know what, “It hurts…”

“Su, how??… when??”

“It started with fb chats. Then we started talking on the phone and soon we began to like each other and…” she blushed again.

Somehow the rose, which I bought, had a thorn and it started pricking me…

“And you never even bothered to tell me? Come on, we are friends since childhood”, totally surprised how one heart can handle various feelings so well – pain, anger, hurt,  disdain, appall.

She broke the eye-contact and looked down, “Well… I know you don’t like him.”

“Yeah Damn right…”, my anger getting better of me.

“Pleaseee… Know him. He is a sweet guy. Really”

“I don’t trust him.”

“WHY??”

I wondered why we are having this discussion again. She already knew my deep-rooted angst against him from our previous talks.

“My intuition tells me not to…” Since the day I met him, I had a strong feeling about him, a strong dislike, an aura of treachery.  An instinctive natural warning. Something struck me off about this guy.

“You know maybe you should start talking with him. He understands me, listens to me (pretends) and loves me(pretends). I also love him and…” She took a deep breath and threw lightning on me, “ I don’t care if you approve of it or not”

The thorn pricked further. Our Years of Friendship, those times when we just needed each other didn’t matter. All mattered was a few days interaction. I was at the verge of crying but I better hold up.

“You are right… Why should you care about my opinion? He is THE ONE right…” in a sarcastic tone. I needed to go, I could not bear any more. I turned my back.

“You are really being silly. Tell me what is this really about?” she demanded.

“Its about… shucks… I LOVE YOU and I cannot see you with him, especially him”, my eyes had started getting watered and I just stumped to my knees.

“Arjun, what?… what? You love me” Her eyes expanding in disbelief and she kneeled in front of me.

“But I never felt about you in that way… Please I don’t want to lose a friend. Accept us and move on..” She said, wiping the tears near my eyelids. If only, she could see the tears in my heart.

I gulped and begged, “Su, Anybody but not him?”

“I don’t get it…”

The girl whom I loved the most was with the boy I hated the most. “I don’t trust him”

“But I do and …”

“I know…” I stood up, turned away from her and headed to stairs.

When I was at the edge of stairs, she called, “You always said the best part of our friendship is we understand.”

I turned around and looked in her eyes, which were about to roll tears and said

“If Only you could…”

Vote for me now!