Recently, I was cleaning out my Kota material and I found the diary of my Xth standard days. A sudden rush of nostalgia flowed in me. What masti, friends, less work, those wonderful times… That was one of the best times of my Life. I opened my diary to relive those boarding days…
But one thing that struck me was I had problems, used to get upset over them, look forward to better future. Now also, I have problems, get upset over them and look forward to better future. I was not happy then and I am not happy now.
It sucks that the era of my Life in which I thought I was the happiest, I was not.
So, if I was not happy that time, then when was I happy?
I dug older diaries. Same pattern followed. I used to quibble about problems. Looks like the happiness I imagined of being “Always Happiness” was never there.. I quote “When I will grow up, I will eat all the ice-cream”. I have overrated my Past.
I realized “Always Happiness” is equivalent to chasing clouds. Even when you are in the clouds, you would still be seeking another cloud and there is always another cloud.
That’s why, when we look back at our childhood days, we remember as being happy but if you ask any child, he’s bothered by restrictions imposed by parents, more freedom to elder siblings, a new toy of his friend, homework. He is in a rush to grow up. A college kid is bothered by placement, GPA, politics…
From more than 2000 years ago, men have been working for a happier Life, yet I am not happy.
Then, why was that particular period seemed to be happiest?
Its because I was less sad, those days. I did things which I liked frequently. One more new thing I learnt today is that Happiness and Sadness are separate entities. Being not sad doesn’t mean you are happy.
At that moment, it occurred “Happiness is often an illusion of the past when we were less sad.”
What should I do?
So, I would stop chasing Happiness, forget the Myth of Happiness and just try not to be sad.
If you want to be not sad, a couple of advices:
- Eliminate any negative feeling within you: Jealously, hatred, revenge, and all others… Negative feelings are parasites. They completely eat us up from inside. As someone said, “You cannot live in peace with a demon inside”. They were quite less during that time
- Notice things for which we are lucky. Gratitude avoids the classic mistake of “taking granted”.
- Carve 5 minutes for yourself everyday.
Is present happiness a myth?
I read my diary more closely and observed the time when I was happy.
I found Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is doing something we love, something we really desire. It requires courage and courage is a rare commodity. When we follow, Fear starts haunting us and creates pseudo-barriers in mind. When we overcome that and we take “Udaan”, that’s when we are happy.
If we are doing something only for the sake of making ourselves secure, we are simply lessening sadness and by no means increasing happiness.
Happiness is a choice.
Meanwhile, I will definitely try to be happy (although I get inhibited by my Fear) but at the same time, I will ensure that I am not sad. At least my memories should be happy if not the present.