Change our stories…


For this post, let me put down the base definition (as by me):
Revenge: Give punishment yourself
Justice: Let authorities give punishment

Sorry to use an old and repetitive fact, but I think we would all agree if I plant a mango tree, the tree will bear mango and never papayas.

“What we sow is what we reap”.

Extending this example to us, let’s consider us a garden and thoughts and ideas as seeds.

Now, let us consider what do we expect from people?  

Ans: Recently, we saw Team Anna protesting and all the media, politicians, persons of repute, in the end, we, opposing their methods, saying it’s not the “right” way. If they want change, they have their chance and they should enter politics and do it in the “right” way. In school, if we had a fight, our parents tell us to go to a teacher rather than involve in a fist-fight.

We are expected to follow a system, not to dismantle it. We desire a system that is defined, that is advantageous and disadvantageous to everyone in equal manner, a system that is not the pawn of few powerful people and would not descend into anarchy as the head of the organization steps down. We desire restoration rather than sending the present state into anarchy.

Will you slay or hand over to the system?

Revenge or Justice

Second consideration, what are we sowing?

Ans: Mining the common theme from the stories of Gods, of prince and princess, the old witch, we listen in our childhood, good wins over evil. Perfect ending. But how good wins over evil? Good kills evil. Prince killed the evil magician. Does Mahabharata inspire the correct end? None of them held a trial.

When I was small, they were my ideals. I admired them. A part of me wanted to be like them. I was subconsciously propagating myself towards them but if my heroes are achieving their motive via “revenge” and not “justice”. An impressionable mind would certainly generate undesirable instincts. An instinct of “go-for-kill” rather than “go-for-justice” shall naturally be developed.

We face two methods: “Revenge” or “Justice”. Which one is right? Which is wrong? Which sets system back on track? Which is a fruitless attempt? I am not going to answer any nor is my purpose to advocate a certain method but let’s be clear about what we desire and remove the hypocrisy in the education we are providing. We slowly develop into what we love deeply.

Perhaps, if I want to inculcate the pavement of “justice” in my brother or sister, I would regale the tales of some heroes who put villains into jail or sentenced them. Come on, let new stories pave in. Let our stories be in sync in what we want. Let’s peel down at least one layer of the mask.

9 Things from A Teacher’s Perspective…


A student isn’t a student if he hasn’t participated and strongly narrated his personal gatha in the discussion, “Teachers don’t understand us”. Adding a voice that has been on both sides of the bench (the side which faces the board and the side which writes on the board) on this Teacher’s Day, Gagan Sir would like to say to a student, GG about classroom and Life from his perspective:

      1. My world is not centered around you: GG, you may think that I have only one task in my whole day. Wake up, come to teach and go back to home, enjoy free time and sleep. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg. I have another Life with equal number of problems and responsibilities such as taking care of family, controlling finances, getting kids ready…
      2. Please keep quiet:  Imagine you are suddenly shoved on stage, with a hundred eyes looking on you with expectations. Now, you have to give a speech to a crowd that is all set to create a ruckus and judging from their looks, coming up with new ways to explain. That happens to me in class every day and chaos/noise doesn’t help.

        Try teaching a class of unruly kids...

        Continue speaking if you don’t want them to turn this…

      3. Please come up: I do not have a knowledge scanner such that I can X-ray your knowledge. So, if you are good, approach me, be interactive and don’t just back in your seat silently expecting that I would spot your talent.
      4. Partiality is inherent: It’s like being nice to someone who has been nice to you. If the kid has been less problematic, well-behaved, I would cut him some slack and just so that you know, in 80% of the cases, we turn a blind eye to your misbehaviour.
      5. Don’t let your curiosity get away:I know as an educator, it’s our role to nurture your curiosity but sometimes, the non-teacher just part takes over.
        • We are in a bad mood. So, we would brush you off.
        • The thing you are asking is very high level. So, bear with us when we say “afterwards”.
        • We don’t know.

        We are hypocrites, sometimes...

        Sorry about that

      6. We are human: Being a part of human means we are not perfect. And sometimes, it’s difficult and shameful to accept an error on our part to a large group of students who would make fun and spread the word. So, we resort to false-justification.
      7. It’s more about attitude than knowledge: If a batch mate of yours is damn good, and he talks to you like you are some dumb kid, what would be your opinion regarding him? ******* (I am assuming something unspeakable in public). Same case, here. Treat us like the elders or experienced we are.
      8. I am not really “Me”: As your torch-bearer, I have to act rule-abiding, ethical… you get the drift. We have to scold you, punish you but it’s only to inculcate better ethics, grasping at opportunities we missed. We didn’t realizewhat we have become until the day someone came up and said “Sir”…

        Dual personality

        As Kent and Superman, as teacher and me

      9. You are our biggest achievement: You have literally no idea how proud we feel when you become successful. At that time, Life seems complete and suddenly there is a meaning attached to it. We care a lot more than you think.

These are certainly not justifications, but it would be better if you keep these things in the back of your mind. Long-term Understanding is a two-way bridge. Maybe, next time, you can be less hard on us. Maybe…

Wish you a wonderful and high-flying future ahead…

Pseudo-boyfriends and Pseudo-girlfriends…


Couple Walking and Talking Together

Looks like a couple… but are they actually from inside?

I have a habit of roaming around rooms throughout (Two reasons, I need physical presence and I hate spending mobile balance). So, as usual, I was in one of the rooms. While I was sitting, let’s name that friend Mr. “Don’t Guess”.

He changed his shirt two times, changed his jeans, sprayed deo all over his shirt and looked at the mirror and set his hair. I already knew for whom he was doing that but still I asked his roomie, “Going Civil Lines with her?”

“Who else?” came back the reply.

I couldn’t help but notice that both my friend and his “friend” are displaying some common characteristics of a couple. They both dress up super nice for each other. They talk or chat or SMS nearly every evening. They are seen in canteen together. He gets slightly jealous when some guy approaches her. The guy sometimes makes an extra (real extra) effort to ensure she remains comfortable. The girl also subtly lets him know about her whereabouts.

­I can assure you that “Don’t Guess” and his “friend” are not involved in any relationship. Neither they have any feelings for each other. He is not hiding from me because I know who he actually likes. Same is with the girl. (Although girls are not decipherable but some credible sources). Neither are they socially retarded.

Summing up, on the superficial level, yes, they are a couple but in the core, nothing. You would find all the couple-y stuff but if they can’t talk, it doesn’t matter. Can’t meet, doesn’t matter.  Want to flirt, doesn’t matter. It’s a kind of play between them.

Due to this pseudo nature, I realized they are “pseudo-boyfriend” and “pseudogirlfriend”. Act like a couple, but not feel like a couple.

What could be the origins??

Reasons, probably:

  1.        Covet: Dr. Hannibal said, “How do we begin to covet? We begin to covet what we see every day”. Whatever number of benefits we may give of being single but seeing couples roaming around in the campus and intimacy between them highlights your own lack of it.
  2.        “Factor”: “The One” factor… Girls: “He is simply great but you know what he is not… Not what… He is just not…” Boys: “She… Nah”. You are great with him/her but “the One” factor is missing.
  3.        Fear: Fear is another root. I don’t know about girls but some of the boys surely fear that a girlfriend would be the biggest block towards his job, success, GPA and whatever. Desire manipulates our mind perfectly.
  4.        Stigma: Many of us are here from conservative background and this gf-bf thing is heavily frowned upon. How can I have a boyfriend? OR How can I have a girlfriend? Yet you want it.

You see, we have lots of different relation and lots of them are emerging new with different scenarios. But nevertheless, it is fun to study those relations and getting to know it. Look around and you will also find them. Next time, probably, you can tease them up.

Warning: Don’t confuse it with “just Friends”… In that case, feelings are there, they simply hide it.

Pseudo Propose

Hope it hasn’t happened to my pseudo couple friends…

Walking out…


My dear Friend/Relative/Lots of people in my Life,

First of all, allow me to begin by thanking you for all the great times we had. But I think it’s time for us to admit that we have reached a certain stage where our dynamics have been exhausted and it would be in the best of interests of both if I just walk out from here.

Believe me, I have done the idiotic mistake of carrying dead relations since small. I enjoy being in relations but in the moment or rather my desperate hope to cling to them, I simply missed their expiry date. (Most have oneL)

For instance, in Class VII, I was good friends with my class-mate. We used to sit together, go dance classes, tuitions together.  Then the friction started increasing and we stopped talking. Just for the sake of I don’t know why, we continued our activity together and continued being miserable. All the while, I could have part ways, make some new friends but I was I…

You may be wondering why I haven’t walked out yet…

  1. Civility. Sometimes, its like that tight jeans which makes you look cool but is totally suffocating.
  2. Pain of “Letting go”
  3. My fantasies would remain fantasies
  4. Fear of being alone
  5. Glimmer of hope of return (It sounds and it is desperate)
  6. Believing that it is the best I can get
  7. He/She is very vital to me

And probably more…

So, lets me amiable and unburden ourselves with our non-useful baggage and don’t tire ourselves out.

What if you continue to carry unnecessary stuff while packpacking?

Think if he continues to shove that blue bag with non-useful stuff…

You can claim:

I am expecting too much from Life.Maybe you are right, but I would prefer to make a mistake and know your value rather than stuck in a crushing compromise and curse you throughout.

It’s only your mind running wild. At the end of the day, am I happy? The answer came NO. If the surface of ocean is silent, it doesn’t mean it is silent.

What’s harm in keeping whatever we have. I am always going to be dejected around you. And as a result, negativity would start seeping inside. I would become grumpy and shall be looked as crappy person. Besides, the portion of brain would be better employed somewhere else.

I am the best that you can get. There are 6,973,738,432 people in world. I doubt that. Maybe I already have someone but I am ignoring him

Life is a compromise. Compromise is middle way and it doesn’t seem to me like that.

I will be truthful. Walking out of you will hurt a lot. It’s scary and dilemma of right and wrong but I would prefer in not getting dejected over someone who isn’t glad to have me, no point in forming bonds with you just we are blood-related, no point in belittling myself where every fault is inadvertently mine, no point in being a relation which cuts my wings.

You and I both deserve better.

I know I will be tempted to carry the dead again whenever I see you but I will remember the reason and see if it has been altered and realize we came together as different persons and go away as different. I will walk out politely so that bridge is not completely burnt.

Take care of yourself.

Previously yours,

GG

So many different people... I should just look around

So many different people… I should just look around

 

 

 

Myth of Happiness…


Recently, I was cleaning out my Kota material and I found the diary of my Xth standard days. A sudden rush of nostalgia flowed in me. What masti, friends, less work, those wonderful times… That was one of the best times of my Life. I opened my diary to relive those boarding days…

But one thing that struck me was I had problems, used to get upset over them, look forward to better future. Now also, I have problems, get upset over them and look forward to better future. I was not happy then and I am not happy now.

It sucks that the era of my Life in which I thought I was the happiest, I was not.

So, if I was not happy that time, then when was I happy?

I dug older diaries. Same pattern followed. I used to quibble about problems. Looks like the happiness I imagined of being “Always Happiness” was never there.. I quote “When I will grow up, I will eat all the ice-cream”. I have overrated my Past.

I realized “Always Happiness” is equivalent to chasing clouds. Even when you are in the clouds, you would still be seeking another cloud and there is always another cloud.

That’s why, when we look back at our childhood days, we remember as being happy but if you ask any child, he’s bothered by restrictions imposed by parents, more freedom to elder siblings, a new toy of his friend, homework. He is in a rush to grow up. A college kid is bothered by placement, GPA, politics…

Calvin and Hobbes - Childhood sucks

From more than 2000 years ago, men have been working for a happier Life, yet I am not happy.

Then, why was that particular period seemed to be happiest?

Its because I was less sad, those days. I did things which I liked frequently. One more new thing I learnt today is that Happiness and Sadness are separate entities. Being not sad doesn’t mean you are happy.

At that moment, it occurred “Happiness is often an illusion of the past when we were less sad.”

What should I do?

So, I would stop chasing Happiness, forget the Myth of Happiness and just try not to be sad.

If you want to be not sad, a couple of advices:

  •        Eliminate any negative feeling within you: Jealously, hatred, revenge, and all others… Negative feelings are parasites. They completely eat us up from inside. As someone said, “You cannot live in peace with a demon inside”. They were quite less during that time
  •       Notice things for which we are lucky. Gratitude avoids the classic mistake of “taking granted”.
  •       Carve 5 minutes for yourself everyday.

Is present happiness a myth?

I read my diary more closely and observed the time when I was happy.

I found Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is doing something we love, something we really desire. It requires courage and courage is a rare commodity. When we follow, Fear starts haunting us and creates pseudo-barriers in mind. When we overcome that and we take “Udaan”, that’s when we are happy.

The feeling while taking Udaan

The feeling while taking Udaan

If we are doing something only for the sake of making ourselves secure, we are simply lessening sadness and by no means increasing happiness.

Happiness is a choice.

Meanwhile, I will definitely try to be happy (although I get inhibited by my Fear) but at the same time, I will ensure that I am not sad. At least my memories should be happy if not the present.

Who is bigger: Satyameva Jayate or Aamir Khan?


In “The Adventure of the Silver Blaze”, Sherlock Holmes was investigating a murder with police. Inspector asked

“Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?”

“To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time”

“The dog did nothing in the night-time”

“That was the curious incident,” remarked Sherlock Holmes.

 Similarly, when I saw Aamir Khan cry on the show, there are only 2 scenarios possible

  1. He certainly has not done extensive research OR
  2. He is “acting” in front of cameras
Aamir Khan crying in Satyameva Jayate

But a part of mine would say, “Gagan, being a SRK fan, you are just being biased. If, with some glamour and emotional quotient, people start paying attention to some social causes, its good.”

There, I did it again… My chain of thoughts started with Satyameva Jayate and I ended up discussing Aamir Khan. Man, it happens everytime…

To me, Satyameva Jayate is a fantasic show:

  1. It expresses the concern through an individual rather than group which is more effective as per research
  2. It highlights the evils are happening “among us” and not somewhere.
  3. It brings the experiences of experienced people who have handled the issue effectively.
  4. It spreads the name of a certain NGO, through which we can be more aware and provide assistance.
  5. Make us aware of the pending cases that should have been brought to justice long ago and strengthens the voice through public support to some extent. (Media has proved to be a powerful tool in many such cases)

When I watch the show, I feel bad, ashamed and believe it should not happen but as soon as it is over, all the horrors are forgotten and, if a discussion crops up about Satyameva Jayate, its completely about Aamir Khan rather than issues. The Best Khan…

Somewhere down the line, I always return to square one.

Satyameva Jayate is a new show… and its concept has proven to be successful in terms of TRP. Other producers are going to capitalize on this idea too, and there would be a flood of such type of shows. So, let’s realize we have a good thing here and ask

Do I really feel their pain and want to change which I look forward to?

OR

Just simply keep gasping at the horrors everytime they are shown, be a victim of exploitation by producer and wake up next with no memory of what we witnessed a few hours before?

Lets hope next time we debate on how to eradicate the problems rather than criticizing/doting the host…

Why should Friends not be roomies?


Best Friends to enemies

You don’t want that, do you??

It happened in Xth Grade. I was as delusional about friendship as any other kid. I was in a boarding school and we were yet to be allotted a room. We had to select room partners. So, what could be the better thing other than sharing it with my best friend? After all, we loved spending time with each other, I felt good when he was around. It all perfectly fitted in. So, “Hey, let’s be roomies…” But (As usual Life butted in…)

Lets see the buts and please add more as you feel:

  1. Granted:  Once, we became roomies, I started giving less time to him. We were, after all, always together. So, what was the hurry? That was my big mistake. At the end of the day, I interacted with whole school but forgot about him. It was Ghar ki Murgi daal barabar. 😦
  2. The “Other Life”: When we take it to the next level, we start realizing his other Life. Obviously, we knew a lot about it, beforehand but we haven’t actually realized. What ticks this realization is, he starts living that Life while he is with us, and we feel less prioritized. (Plus, he has secrets that he doesn’t want to share with you)
  3. Sharing: We have shared the best of times together. But being roomies is about sharing more than space. Its also about sharing responsibility, work, finance and also respecting each other’s individualities (unlike the times, we generally blow off). Often, in a room of my friend, they had lots of fights on trivial issues such as one wanted lights to be switched off and other wanted them to be on.
  4. Flaws: During the initial and golden phase of friendship, we hide many of our shortcomings to our friend or they are overlooked. But when you are with a person all the time, all of those flaws start to squirm out. Sometimes, they are overlooked but sometimes they cannot be… (Personally, I am afraid what would happen if my closest friends come to know all of my bad habits)
  5. Too much of a good thing: Your action figures or toys, computer games,… we get bored, ultimately…
  6. On a Rainy Day: Sometimes
    •  you are sad, or
    •  you just want loneliness and relaxation in your own environment, or
    • you two just had a big fight, or
    • you are, for no reason, irritated with him (it happens), the sight of him still waddling in front of your sight, his every small action irritates you,

In those scenarios, if you get less space… Wooh (God forbid if you bitch in your weak moment and your roomie comes to know)

Becoming a roomie is a leap. Know and keep your distance, sometimes distances in a relationship are like the Earth and the Sun. The moment the Earth moves towards the Sun, it starts burning. If it starts moving away, it freezes. Just give the matter a serious thought. Even after that if you feel, you can be comfortable as roomies, by all means go ahead…

Earth burning and freezing

Think about that…