Tag Archives: Friends

Pseudo-boyfriends and Pseudo-girlfriends…

Couple Walking and Talking Together

Looks like a couple… but are they actually from inside?

I have a habit of roaming around rooms throughout (Two reasons, I need physical presence and I hate spending mobile balance). So, as usual, I was in one of the rooms. While I was sitting, let’s name that friend Mr. “Don’t Guess”.

He changed his shirt two times, changed his jeans, sprayed deo all over his shirt and looked at the mirror and set his hair. I already knew for whom he was doing that but still I asked his roomie, “Going Civil Lines with her?”

“Who else?” came back the reply.

I couldn’t help but notice that both my friend and his “friend” are displaying some common characteristics of a couple. They both dress up super nice for each other. They talk or chat or SMS nearly every evening. They are seen in canteen together. He gets slightly jealous when some guy approaches her. The guy sometimes makes an extra (real extra) effort to ensure she remains comfortable. The girl also subtly lets him know about her whereabouts.

­I can assure you that “Don’t Guess” and his “friend” are not involved in any relationship. Neither they have any feelings for each other. He is not hiding from me because I know who he actually likes. Same is with the girl. (Although girls are not decipherable but some credible sources). Neither are they socially retarded.

Summing up, on the superficial level, yes, they are a couple but in the core, nothing. You would find all the couple-y stuff but if they can’t talk, it doesn’t matter. Can’t meet, doesn’t matter.  Want to flirt, doesn’t matter. It’s a kind of play between them.

Due to this pseudo nature, I realized they are “pseudo-boyfriend” and “pseudogirlfriend”. Act like a couple, but not feel like a couple.

What could be the origins??

Reasons, probably:

  1.        Covet: Dr. Hannibal said, “How do we begin to covet? We begin to covet what we see every day”. Whatever number of benefits we may give of being single but seeing couples roaming around in the campus and intimacy between them highlights your own lack of it.
  2.        “Factor”: “The One” factor… Girls: “He is simply great but you know what he is not… Not what… He is just not…” Boys: “She… Nah”. You are great with him/her but “the One” factor is missing.
  3.        Fear: Fear is another root. I don’t know about girls but some of the boys surely fear that a girlfriend would be the biggest block towards his job, success, GPA and whatever. Desire manipulates our mind perfectly.
  4.        Stigma: Many of us are here from conservative background and this gf-bf thing is heavily frowned upon. How can I have a boyfriend? OR How can I have a girlfriend? Yet you want it.

You see, we have lots of different relation and lots of them are emerging new with different scenarios. But nevertheless, it is fun to study those relations and getting to know it. Look around and you will also find them. Next time, probably, you can tease them up.

Warning: Don’t confuse it with “just Friends”… In that case, feelings are there, they simply hide it.

Pseudo Propose

Hope it hasn’t happened to my pseudo couple friends…

Friends & Mistakes…

One evening, my roomie asked me a very thought-provoking question. “What right do I have on my Best Friend?” I sank into thought for a while but after much consideration and reflecting on past experiences, I had to say “NONE”.

You may argue why NONE? After all, we do experience guilt watching our friend hurting himself. We do feel guilt (sometimes anger) to watch our friend drown in the whirlpool of Life. We feel, We know he can make it large but damn it… Can’t I just kick him and get him to live up to his potential? NO

Sadly, it’s the truth. Because:

Right to mistake: Yes, it’s one of the fundamental rights which we don’t realize everyone has. Mistakes… Interestingly, we hate them, we don’t desire committing them but they teach us a lot. If we realize, most of our major lessons are in fact learnt from mistakes. Just wondering, if I would have been able to learn cycle if my parents didn’t remove the side-wheels. Try imagining your Life as if you have never committed a single mistake. You can’t even imagine. Even if you could, are you the same person you imagined and more importantly, Do you really want to be that person? Our Life is a summation of good and bad experiences. Admit it, we are what we are because of our mistakes. We certainly cannot and should not snatch this right from our friends.

The proper teacher: There are some lessons which we cannot teach. Some lessons are learnt either from parents, other friends, strangers, but not us. However hard we may try protecting them, however hard its gonna hit him, there are some lessons which Life reserves for itself.

Your continued attempt to rectify him will only be viewed as intrusion and unless you are lucky, it will create hostility.

Is it a mistake?: It happens that what we are presuming as a mistake is actually not a mistake. Its rather a bold move or “just following the heart”. Steve Jobs left his college (which he considers as one of his best decisions. Imagine what would your response if your friend says the same to you). A personal experience: We were a trio. After a time, we started drifting (2 of us and 1 other). I accepted this as “Life’s Reality” but my friend refused and proposed that he would talk. I was worried it would start the blame game and damage the remnants of trio beyond repair. Anyway, he went ahead, talked and successfully sorted out the issues.

So, what should I do? Let him destroy his Life or harm himself. Then, am I a real Friend?

However, we do have one right over them.

Right to Guide: We can guide our Friend. Talk to him. Let him know why we are so against his viewpoint. Persuade him to consider our views also. In that way, it always will be his decision. Even if it’s a wrong decision, it’s one of his own making and he will not regret it in the future OR if its right, you won’t.

Should we not intervene at all? We can intervene, if his decision is going to harm others but again, that will be viewed as intrusion (till he has a better insight of things). Sometimes, “its friendship or a lesson”.

It’s a bit tricky. One last word, “Always have his back. That will matter to him more than anything else.”

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