Tag Archives: Friendship

Pseudo-boyfriends and Pseudo-girlfriends…


Couple Walking and Talking Together

Looks like a couple… but are they actually from inside?

I have a habit of roaming around rooms throughout (Two reasons, I need physical presence and I hate spending mobile balance). So, as usual, I was in one of the rooms. While I was sitting, let’s name that friend Mr. “Don’t Guess”.

He changed his shirt two times, changed his jeans, sprayed deo all over his shirt and looked at the mirror and set his hair. I already knew for whom he was doing that but still I asked his roomie, “Going Civil Lines with her?”

“Who else?” came back the reply.

I couldn’t help but notice that both my friend and his “friend” are displaying some common characteristics of a couple. They both dress up super nice for each other. They talk or chat or SMS nearly every evening. They are seen in canteen together. He gets slightly jealous when some guy approaches her. The guy sometimes makes an extra (real extra) effort to ensure she remains comfortable. The girl also subtly lets him know about her whereabouts.

­I can assure you that “Don’t Guess” and his “friend” are not involved in any relationship. Neither they have any feelings for each other. He is not hiding from me because I know who he actually likes. Same is with the girl. (Although girls are not decipherable but some credible sources). Neither are they socially retarded.

Summing up, on the superficial level, yes, they are a couple but in the core, nothing. You would find all the couple-y stuff but if they can’t talk, it doesn’t matter. Can’t meet, doesn’t matter.  Want to flirt, doesn’t matter. It’s a kind of play between them.

Due to this pseudo nature, I realized they are “pseudo-boyfriend” and “pseudogirlfriend”. Act like a couple, but not feel like a couple.

What could be the origins??

Reasons, probably:

  1.        Covet: Dr. Hannibal said, “How do we begin to covet? We begin to covet what we see every day”. Whatever number of benefits we may give of being single but seeing couples roaming around in the campus and intimacy between them highlights your own lack of it.
  2.        “Factor”: “The One” factor… Girls: “He is simply great but you know what he is not… Not what… He is just not…” Boys: “She… Nah”. You are great with him/her but “the One” factor is missing.
  3.        Fear: Fear is another root. I don’t know about girls but some of the boys surely fear that a girlfriend would be the biggest block towards his job, success, GPA and whatever. Desire manipulates our mind perfectly.
  4.        Stigma: Many of us are here from conservative background and this gf-bf thing is heavily frowned upon. How can I have a boyfriend? OR How can I have a girlfriend? Yet you want it.

You see, we have lots of different relation and lots of them are emerging new with different scenarios. But nevertheless, it is fun to study those relations and getting to know it. Look around and you will also find them. Next time, probably, you can tease them up.

Warning: Don’t confuse it with “just Friends”… In that case, feelings are there, they simply hide it.

Pseudo Propose

Hope it hasn’t happened to my pseudo couple friends…

Why should Friends not be roomies?


Best Friends to enemies

You don’t want that, do you??

It happened in Xth Grade. I was as delusional about friendship as any other kid. I was in a boarding school and we were yet to be allotted a room. We had to select room partners. So, what could be the better thing other than sharing it with my best friend? After all, we loved spending time with each other, I felt good when he was around. It all perfectly fitted in. So, “Hey, let’s be roomies…” But (As usual Life butted in…)

Lets see the buts and please add more as you feel:

  1. Granted:  Once, we became roomies, I started giving less time to him. We were, after all, always together. So, what was the hurry? That was my big mistake. At the end of the day, I interacted with whole school but forgot about him. It was Ghar ki Murgi daal barabar. 😦
  2. The “Other Life”: When we take it to the next level, we start realizing his other Life. Obviously, we knew a lot about it, beforehand but we haven’t actually realized. What ticks this realization is, he starts living that Life while he is with us, and we feel less prioritized. (Plus, he has secrets that he doesn’t want to share with you)
  3. Sharing: We have shared the best of times together. But being roomies is about sharing more than space. Its also about sharing responsibility, work, finance and also respecting each other’s individualities (unlike the times, we generally blow off). Often, in a room of my friend, they had lots of fights on trivial issues such as one wanted lights to be switched off and other wanted them to be on.
  4. Flaws: During the initial and golden phase of friendship, we hide many of our shortcomings to our friend or they are overlooked. But when you are with a person all the time, all of those flaws start to squirm out. Sometimes, they are overlooked but sometimes they cannot be… (Personally, I am afraid what would happen if my closest friends come to know all of my bad habits)
  5. Too much of a good thing: Your action figures or toys, computer games,… we get bored, ultimately…
  6. On a Rainy Day: Sometimes
    •  you are sad, or
    •  you just want loneliness and relaxation in your own environment, or
    • you two just had a big fight, or
    • you are, for no reason, irritated with him (it happens), the sight of him still waddling in front of your sight, his every small action irritates you,

In those scenarios, if you get less space… Wooh (God forbid if you bitch in your weak moment and your roomie comes to know)

Becoming a roomie is a leap. Know and keep your distance, sometimes distances in a relationship are like the Earth and the Sun. The moment the Earth moves towards the Sun, it starts burning. If it starts moving away, it freezes. Just give the matter a serious thought. Even after that if you feel, you can be comfortable as roomies, by all means go ahead…

Earth burning and freezing

Think about that…

Friends & Mistakes…


One evening, my roomie asked me a very thought-provoking question. “What right do I have on my Best Friend?” I sank into thought for a while but after much consideration and reflecting on past experiences, I had to say “NONE”.

You may argue why NONE? After all, we do experience guilt watching our friend hurting himself. We do feel guilt (sometimes anger) to watch our friend drown in the whirlpool of Life. We feel, We know he can make it large but damn it… Can’t I just kick him and get him to live up to his potential? NO

Sadly, it’s the truth. Because:

Right to mistake: Yes, it’s one of the fundamental rights which we don’t realize everyone has. Mistakes… Interestingly, we hate them, we don’t desire committing them but they teach us a lot. If we realize, most of our major lessons are in fact learnt from mistakes. Just wondering, if I would have been able to learn cycle if my parents didn’t remove the side-wheels. Try imagining your Life as if you have never committed a single mistake. You can’t even imagine. Even if you could, are you the same person you imagined and more importantly, Do you really want to be that person? Our Life is a summation of good and bad experiences. Admit it, we are what we are because of our mistakes. We certainly cannot and should not snatch this right from our friends.

The proper teacher: There are some lessons which we cannot teach. Some lessons are learnt either from parents, other friends, strangers, but not us. However hard we may try protecting them, however hard its gonna hit him, there are some lessons which Life reserves for itself.

Your continued attempt to rectify him will only be viewed as intrusion and unless you are lucky, it will create hostility.

Is it a mistake?: It happens that what we are presuming as a mistake is actually not a mistake. Its rather a bold move or “just following the heart”. Steve Jobs left his college (which he considers as one of his best decisions. Imagine what would your response if your friend says the same to you). A personal experience: We were a trio. After a time, we started drifting (2 of us and 1 other). I accepted this as “Life’s Reality” but my friend refused and proposed that he would talk. I was worried it would start the blame game and damage the remnants of trio beyond repair. Anyway, he went ahead, talked and successfully sorted out the issues.

So, what should I do? Let him destroy his Life or harm himself. Then, am I a real Friend?

However, we do have one right over them.

Right to Guide: We can guide our Friend. Talk to him. Let him know why we are so against his viewpoint. Persuade him to consider our views also. In that way, it always will be his decision. Even if it’s a wrong decision, it’s one of his own making and he will not regret it in the future OR if its right, you won’t.

Should we not intervene at all? We can intervene, if his decision is going to harm others but again, that will be viewed as intrusion (till he has a better insight of things). Sometimes, “its friendship or a lesson”.

It’s a bit tricky. One last word, “Always have his back. That will matter to him more than anything else.”

Vote for me now!

Anybody But Not Him


Finally, today was the day… the day when I was finally going to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. For days I have been struggling with myself every minute whether I should tell her the way I feel about her and the way she makes me feel.

The night was perfect. The moon was shining like a galleon, and a pleasant wind wafted across the moonlit night. I was going to meet her at the terrace, our spot since childhood. I was nervous as hell and I was just parading up and down. At last, I decided to kick-off the fear and climbed up the stairs. It was not at all easy. As more and more I climbed the stairs, even in such breezy atmosphere, I could literally feel the sweat sticking to my body. The voices in my head began to quarrel again, “No way man you can’t do that. You will lose her forever.” “Go Arjun Go. You should tell her. Perhaps she loves you too.” With the slightest of hope, I ascended the stairs and saw her standing there… her face glowing in moonlight and the wind playing with her hair, bringing them over and over her cheeks. “Tonight, I am going to propose a fairy”.

She was extraordinarily happy, she was blushing and she let out a large scream. I panicked, “Did she know already?” I saw the red rose in my hand and oorf, I forgot to hide it. She came running to me and hugged me, “I am sooooo happy today. Thank you.”

“Thank you!!!!”… I thought completely confused, “Whats happening here?” But I managed to utter, “Suhani, I am a little lost here. What’s going on?”

“Come on. Don’t act surprised. You already know” she said jumping around the whole terrace.

“What?”

“I am committed. Kabir proposed to me today and I said yes”.

I couldn’t believe my ears. “What???”

“Yes, I am in a relationship”.

The words hit me like a tornado hitting a house in North America. It could have blown or crushed me. Actually, it had but I needed to put a strong face and You know what, “It hurts…”

“Su, how??… when??”

“It started with fb chats. Then we started talking on the phone and soon we began to like each other and…” she blushed again.

Somehow the rose, which I bought, had a thorn and it started pricking me…

“And you never even bothered to tell me? Come on, we are friends since childhood”, totally surprised how one heart can handle various feelings so well – pain, anger, hurt,  disdain, appall.

She broke the eye-contact and looked down, “Well… I know you don’t like him.”

“Yeah Damn right…”, my anger getting better of me.

“Pleaseee… Know him. He is a sweet guy. Really”

“I don’t trust him.”

“WHY??”

I wondered why we are having this discussion again. She already knew my deep-rooted angst against him from our previous talks.

“My intuition tells me not to…” Since the day I met him, I had a strong feeling about him, a strong dislike, an aura of treachery.  An instinctive natural warning. Something struck me off about this guy.

“You know maybe you should start talking with him. He understands me, listens to me (pretends) and loves me(pretends). I also love him and…” She took a deep breath and threw lightning on me, “ I don’t care if you approve of it or not”

The thorn pricked further. Our Years of Friendship, those times when we just needed each other didn’t matter. All mattered was a few days interaction. I was at the verge of crying but I better hold up.

“You are right… Why should you care about my opinion? He is THE ONE right…” in a sarcastic tone. I needed to go, I could not bear any more. I turned my back.

“You are really being silly. Tell me what is this really about?” she demanded.

“Its about… shucks… I LOVE YOU and I cannot see you with him, especially him”, my eyes had started getting watered and I just stumped to my knees.

“Arjun, what?… what? You love me” Her eyes expanding in disbelief and she kneeled in front of me.

“But I never felt about you in that way… Please I don’t want to lose a friend. Accept us and move on..” She said, wiping the tears near my eyelids. If only, she could see the tears in my heart.

I gulped and begged, “Su, Anybody but not him?”

“I don’t get it…”

The girl whom I loved the most was with the boy I hated the most. “I don’t trust him”

“But I do and …”

“I know…” I stood up, turned away from her and headed to stairs.

When I was at the edge of stairs, she called, “You always said the best part of our friendship is we understand.”

I turned around and looked in her eyes, which were about to roll tears and said

“If Only you could…”

Vote for me now!

Little Knowing…


When my eyes drifted on to you for the first time…

I couldn’t help but stare…

I watched you through the glass…

Going away from me…

Little knowing my heart with you…

.

When we met again,

My breaths became slower…

I couldn’t look straight into that mesmerizing eyes…

I stuttered and you thought I was this shy boy…

Little knowing the effect on me you have…

.

When we weren’t together,

All I could think was you…

My hands dialing your number…

But everytime just stopping…

Little knowing I would regret it forever…

.

When we became friends,

I just wished side-by-side forever we walk …

Pouring our hearts, gazing into each other’s soul and talk…

I prayed to keep that smile forever…

Little knowing I would be the one to turn it into tears…

.

When I finally took a step forward,

I opened my heart to you…

You felt offended and I hurt…

You wanted to be “Just Friends”…

Little knowing a word like “Friend” can be heart-shattering too…

Life going away

Vote for me now!

An apology was all I needed


“In Friendship, there is no sorry and no thank you”. I have heard it many times and thrash it many times. How can you not thank anyone if he/she has done something for you? How can you not apologize for your mistake which hurt your friend’s feeling? I believe it was the tale of some Fantasy Friendship which became famous somehow. Until I went to boarding school and made some real Friends…

Now, after five years of Friendship, fights, reunion, drifting, seeing the best friends break and …, I realized one crucial thing that although we actually don’t need to say “Sorry” from our mouth but our Friends need sincere “Sorry” from our eyes…

Recently, I was at the edge of holding something which I eagerly desired and awaited a longgg time, but at the last minute my friend goofed-up big-time. As a result, I was deprived of that. I was angry and sad. But the thing, which raised my anger hugely, was that he kept on justifying his action. He, never, even for one moment, had that look of regret or sorry in his eyes or body-language. Simply, he kept on and on… Only if he could have just come up and say “I am sorry” or simply bring regret in his eyes, I would have been less hurt. But that never came…

Even if you ask any teacher what irks him most after a student is caught committing a mistake? Its not the mistake but the defiance in our eyes, our eyes shouting “I refuse to accept my mistake, I did not do anything wrong. I am not sorry”.

So next time you make a mistake. Don’t fool yourself into that you didn’t make mistake (in case of Friends) and Don’t act as if you were right but show him/her that you are sorry if you can’t say it… That look will tell him everything you want to say and trust me, he will forget and forgive even your biggest mistake…  It might seem to you that “Our Friendship is unlike others. We don’t need to apologize”. But alas, it’s a misconception because we all are “humans” and if we in anyway get harmed, no matter who did, we are bruised. We keep it in some corner and move on. This keeps on piling and piling until one day, you start to hate him and when the pile becomes overstacked, your Friendship breaks or you simply drift away (think back of friendships which lost its intensity for no reason).

Friends are rare, if you think you have lots of them, you are kidding yourselves. Don’t lose them or don’t take them granted. Just summon up your courage and tell him “Sorry” and or at the very least, show him you are sorry. That will be all…

Also, be warned your sorry should be genuine and heartfelt. You may think you have pull wool over your friend’s eyes but even though he will not say anything, he will know…