Tag Archives: Heart-shatterer

Anybody But Not Him


Finally, today was the day… the day when I was finally going to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. For days I have been struggling with myself every minute whether I should tell her the way I feel about her and the way she makes me feel.

The night was perfect. The moon was shining like a galleon, and a pleasant wind wafted across the moonlit night. I was going to meet her at the terrace, our spot since childhood. I was nervous as hell and I was just parading up and down. At last, I decided to kick-off the fear and climbed up the stairs. It was not at all easy. As more and more I climbed the stairs, even in such breezy atmosphere, I could literally feel the sweat sticking to my body. The voices in my head began to quarrel again, “No way man you can’t do that. You will lose her forever.” “Go Arjun Go. You should tell her. Perhaps she loves you too.” With the slightest of hope, I ascended the stairs and saw her standing there… her face glowing in moonlight and the wind playing with her hair, bringing them over and over her cheeks. “Tonight, I am going to propose a fairy”.

She was extraordinarily happy, she was blushing and she let out a large scream. I panicked, “Did she know already?” I saw the red rose in my hand and oorf, I forgot to hide it. She came running to me and hugged me, “I am sooooo happy today. Thank you.”

“Thank you!!!!”… I thought completely confused, “Whats happening here?” But I managed to utter, “Suhani, I am a little lost here. What’s going on?”

“Come on. Don’t act surprised. You already know” she said jumping around the whole terrace.

“What?”

“I am committed. Kabir proposed to me today and I said yes”.

I couldn’t believe my ears. “What???”

“Yes, I am in a relationship”.

The words hit me like a tornado hitting a house in North America. It could have blown or crushed me. Actually, it had but I needed to put a strong face and You know what, “It hurts…”

“Su, how??… when??”

“It started with fb chats. Then we started talking on the phone and soon we began to like each other and…” she blushed again.

Somehow the rose, which I bought, had a thorn and it started pricking me…

“And you never even bothered to tell me? Come on, we are friends since childhood”, totally surprised how one heart can handle various feelings so well – pain, anger, hurt,  disdain, appall.

She broke the eye-contact and looked down, “Well… I know you don’t like him.”

“Yeah Damn right…”, my anger getting better of me.

“Pleaseee… Know him. He is a sweet guy. Really”

“I don’t trust him.”

“WHY??”

I wondered why we are having this discussion again. She already knew my deep-rooted angst against him from our previous talks.

“My intuition tells me not to…” Since the day I met him, I had a strong feeling about him, a strong dislike, an aura of treachery.  An instinctive natural warning. Something struck me off about this guy.

“You know maybe you should start talking with him. He understands me, listens to me (pretends) and loves me(pretends). I also love him and…” She took a deep breath and threw lightning on me, “ I don’t care if you approve of it or not”

The thorn pricked further. Our Years of Friendship, those times when we just needed each other didn’t matter. All mattered was a few days interaction. I was at the verge of crying but I better hold up.

“You are right… Why should you care about my opinion? He is THE ONE right…” in a sarcastic tone. I needed to go, I could not bear any more. I turned my back.

“You are really being silly. Tell me what is this really about?” she demanded.

“Its about… shucks… I LOVE YOU and I cannot see you with him, especially him”, my eyes had started getting watered and I just stumped to my knees.

“Arjun, what?… what? You love me” Her eyes expanding in disbelief and she kneeled in front of me.

“But I never felt about you in that way… Please I don’t want to lose a friend. Accept us and move on..” She said, wiping the tears near my eyelids. If only, she could see the tears in my heart.

I gulped and begged, “Su, Anybody but not him?”

“I don’t get it…”

The girl whom I loved the most was with the boy I hated the most. “I don’t trust him”

“But I do and …”

“I know…” I stood up, turned away from her and headed to stairs.

When I was at the edge of stairs, she called, “You always said the best part of our friendship is we understand.”

I turned around and looked in her eyes, which were about to roll tears and said

“If Only you could…”

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Little Knowing…


When my eyes drifted on to you for the first time…

I couldn’t help but stare…

I watched you through the glass…

Going away from me…

Little knowing my heart with you…

.

When we met again,

My breaths became slower…

I couldn’t look straight into that mesmerizing eyes…

I stuttered and you thought I was this shy boy…

Little knowing the effect on me you have…

.

When we weren’t together,

All I could think was you…

My hands dialing your number…

But everytime just stopping…

Little knowing I would regret it forever…

.

When we became friends,

I just wished side-by-side forever we walk …

Pouring our hearts, gazing into each other’s soul and talk…

I prayed to keep that smile forever…

Little knowing I would be the one to turn it into tears…

.

When I finally took a step forward,

I opened my heart to you…

You felt offended and I hurt…

You wanted to be “Just Friends”…

Little knowing a word like “Friend” can be heart-shattering too…

Life going away

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